Career Coaching: Hold Your Friends Close by Carol Kallendorf, PhD Building key business relationships is one of the most important career skills for everyone—at every level of the organization. With the turmoil in today’s economy, that skill grows more important by the day. The strength of your business relationships can mean the difference between success or failure in your current organization, and it can be the critical element in a successful job search. The famous phrase, "Hold your friends close and your enemies closer" has often been attributed to Lyndon Baines Johnson. LBJ lived by it and never let it out of his sights.

Carol I. Kallendorf President The Delta Associates

I’d say, from the standpoint of business relationships, LBJ was right on both scores. But there’s a piece I think LBJ missed that is key in business relationships today: Hold your friends’ enemies close, too. Friends, Enemies and Enemies of Friends Whether you work inside an organization or as an external consultant or adviser, there’s much wisdom in all three of those maxims. They have guided me as an external consultant in building strong relationships within client organizations; being brought by client contacts to their new organizations when, for whatever reason, they sever their relationship with the original consulting client; and in navigating the often treacherous waters of the politics within a client organization. I’d say, from the standpoint of business relationships, LBJ was right on both scores. But there’s a piece I think LBJ missed that is key in business relationships today: Hold your friends’ enemies close, too. Conducting an Off-site soon? Call The Delta Associates to schedule a strategic alignment session, planning, or teambuilding sessions. We do popular and substantive planning through the use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Friends, Enemies and Enemies of Friends Whether you work inside an organization or as an external consultant or adviser, there’s much wisdom in all three of those maxims. They have guided me as an external consultant in building strong relationships within client organizations; being brought by client contacts to their new organizations when, for whatever reason, they sever their relationship with the original consulting client; and in navigating the often treacherous waters of the politics within a client organization. Business Friends First: Hold your friends close. My approach has been to bond closely and at a level of true friendship with our client contacts. I want them to know I value their friendship—and I truly do. As a firm, we continually offer our support, encouragement, and professional and career counseling to these individuals. If they run afoul of politics in their organizations, we offer advice. If they find they need to look for opportunities elsewhere, we help in anyway possible. As a result, these client contacts offer support to us, slash through bureaucratic and organizational obstacles, do internal "marketing" on our behalf, and, should they move on to other pastures, they take us with them if at all possible. But we don’t do this out of tit-for-tat. We do it out of a sincere and genuine interest in these people as people and as friends. The quid pro quo approach that many take in business relationships is, in my opinion, beneath contempt. And it doesn’t even work. Business Enemies Next: Hold your enemies closer. For whatever reason, you will have people who are gunning for you. Maybe it’s a personality conflict. Maybe it’s their relationship with another vendor or their antipathy for the internal organization you represent. Whatever it takes, you’ve got to build the same trusting relationship with them. One of the most difficult challenges I faced along those lines was a new client contact in an organization that represented a significant amount of revenue for us. This woman had as a personal mission making the lives of external consultants an unmitigated hell. She delighted in reporting which longtime consultant she had most recently succeeded in eliminating. A chilling prospect. I adopted the strategy of truly becoming her friend. It wasn’t easy! But I worked to find genuinely likable characteristics in her approach and personality. And they were there. In time, she not only elevated us to the level of most valued vendor, but she became a very close personal friend. When she was later eased out of the organization, we maintained that friendship and I have been able to significantly help her in moving forward in her career. Enemies of Business Friends And, finally, hold your friends’ enemies close—maybe closest. Organizational politics is an often Byzantine world of cloaks and real daggers. Your friend may well be somebody else’s enemy. And that somebody else can often do you significant harm. I recommend the strategy of keeping your own counsel at all times. Any confidence shared with you, stays with you. Never volunteer information about your friends’ enemies—even if that might help or entertain your friend. Any gain received will be short-lived and the risks are huge. And take it to the next step and actually befriend your friends’ enemies—again doing it sincerely. This will keep you from becoming the pawn or trophy of war in their own battle. One client in an organization rife with vicious political battles paid me a compliment I have treasured ever since. She said, "You know most of us here can’t stand each other. But we all see you as a true friend. I guess that’s why you’ve been working with us for 11 years—and most of us come and go!" So hold your friends close. Hold your enemies closer. And hold your friends’ enemies just as close. Do this with sincerity and a genuine commitment to those other people, and you will never want for solid business relationships, not to mention good friends.